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Special EFT Concerns
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EFT take away normal grief?
Will EFT take away normal grief?
QUESTION: My
husband's father is on the verge of dying from cancer. My husband and I are
both new to EFT (we're in our early 30's) and he is concerned that he won't
like not feeling the pain of his father's death. He wants to feel it, not in
an incapacitating way but in a human way. Would EFT make him feel hollow or
emotionless at his father's death? Would he 'not feel' the sadness? Could he
undo the treatment if he didn't like it?
ANSWER: Actually,
yours is a question which can be answered with a good deal of clinical
evidence to back it up. I have often been asked whether EFT will take
away from a person a response that is healthy, normal, and desirable.
People are frequently concerned, for example, that if EFT removes their fear
of heights, they may then recklessly walk on the edge of cliffs without
appropriate safeguards in place. In other words, they are afraid they
will lose intelligent caution because they have tapped away their irrational
fear.
However,
as Gary Craig has pointed out many times this is not what happens. EFT
never takes away a response that is useful for the system. With respect
to your father-in-law's impending death and your husband's natural wish and
need to feel, as any caring son would, the impact of the loss and the emotional
meaning of the transition -- -- I can say with great certainty from my
experience with EFT in situations somewhat similar to this, that EFT will not
take away these desirable human responses.
So, I
would like to suggest to you some ways in which EFT might be used, not only
to support your husband during this difficult time, but also to enrich the
meaning of your father-in-law's passing for all concerned — including,
quite possibly, for your father-in-law himself.
Here are
some EFT Choices which your husband may want to incorporate when he taps for
this situation. If you do not know about the EFT Choices Method (on
which these recommendations are based) you may might want to read Chapters 11
and 12 of my Choices Manual which talks about the use of Choices in times of
disaster. While yours is not a natural disaster as described in the
manual, it represents a shock to the family. Impending death and loss
of a close family member is a challenge to anyone, and many of the Choices
suggested in the manual for use with such extremely difficult circumstances
as those of September 11th, for example, should help your husband, yourself,
and other family members, in this transitional period.
My advice
here, however, depends upon the particular issues with regard to your father-in-law
that concern your husband. A number of possible issues come to my mind
which might apply under circumstances like this.
Is your
husband having difficulty seeing his father undergo pain, or seeing unwanted
emotions arising in him during this period prior to his death?
Does he
perhaps fear, on some level, being finally without a father (loss of a parent
can be a challenge for anyone at any age)?
Is there
some unfinished business (on an emotional level) with his father? -- Old
issues which have not been resolved and which now will not be resolved in
this lifetime because his father will no longer be here? I can only
guess that it might be some of these issues that he will want to tap on, or
perhaps it will be something quite different, but the following suggestions
should give you some leads.
With
respect to witnessing the illness and impending death of his father, your
husband might want to tap on some variations of the following set-up phrases:
"Even
though it's very difficult to see my father's pain and distress at this time,
I choose to find this an opportunity to become remarkably close to him in a
way not possible before."
Or (using
the same FIRST PART of the set-up phrase as above) he might use one of the
following Choices for the LAST PART: "...I choose to know
exactly how to be of the greatest help to him".
Or,
"… I choose to be comforted knowing that it will not be too
long now before he will be truly at peace".
Or,
"… I choose to admire and learn from the courage he is showing."
Or,
"… I choose to reach out and communicate with him in a new way."
If the
issue your husband faces (often the case for many people in this situation)
is that he has regrets with respect to some aspect of his relationship with
his father in the past, then he might try some variations of the following:
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