"What Is it I really want here?"
Not knowing what you really want in life is far more common than most people think. A striking instance of this comes to my mind.
Some years ago, before I ever heard of EFT or tapping, I was teaching a class on creating what you want in your own life through the use of positive Choices. At that time, no one knew about EFT, but I had been recommending "Choices" cards successfully for many years, and they ultimately became the forerunner to my present EFT Choices method.
During the sign-up for this class, which was a five week course that met once a week, I remember clearly one woman, a high school librarian, who signed up for no discernible reason. When she registered, she announced that she didn't know herself why she was coming to the class because she "really didn't want" anything in her life.
However, she didn't appear to be a contented, fulfilled person who simply didn't need anything else in her life. Rather, she seemed timid and somehow shut off from her own emotions. Before admitting her to the class, I sat down with this woman and questioned her about her possible interests, longings or unfulfilled aspirations. We got nowhere with this until she finally said, in a weak uncertain tone, "Well I guess maybe I'd like to have a rock garden."
So that was her initial wish -- a rock garden, no more. To me this symbolized the apparent barrenness of her life and an outlook that did not allow her to reach for anything other than what was already there. I didn't tell her this, however. I simply admitted her to the class, whose members immediately began working on creating their own personal Choices
At first, the woman spoke little, while the rest of the class eloquently expressed their own frustrations about not being able to realize what they wanted in life. However, some of what they said apparently rubbed off on her.
By the third session of the class, an unsuspected wish of hers emerged. She shared with the class that she and her husband had not left the vicinity where they lived for eighteen years. Upon questioning by myself and the group, she realized that what she "secretly" wanted was to visit Europe for the first time in her life; to which she quickly added, "Of course this is impossible because we could never afford it."
As she began working on devising Choices cards, some ideas came to her, and during the last session of the class she suddenly announced that when she was in high school she had loved art and that she had recently found an old easel and some old paints in her attic and brought them out. This led to new Choices relating to resurrection of her artwork, and soon, to her surprise she had a list of Choices to work with.
Two weeks after completion of the course, this woman contacted me with the first real excitement in her voice that I had ever heard her express. She told me that she and her husband were planning to take a trip to Europe when the school year was finished. She also said she had bought some new art supplies, set up an easel, and was painting pictures of her garden. She was also planning a rock garden for the spring. At the same time, several teachers in the local high school where she was the librarian reported to me that she seemed like a "different person," humming and even singing out loud as she walked through the halls.
This woman began to realize that she did have half buried issues and directions that she would like to pursue in her life. For her, this realization crystallized through exposure to a group where the members were moving ahead rapidly with their own personal Choices.
Today, even without such a group, EFT can be used effectively to create a personal vision. The first thing to do is recognize that not having such a vision indicates a block in yourself to what is a natural tendency. People, when left to their own devices, want certain things in life and deeply enjoy getting them. If you have no feeling of wanting to reach for what you want and no vision of what it might be, there are, most likely, some compelling reasons for its absence. All of these can be addressed by EFT.
Some of the EFT statements that can be used for this purpose are:
"Even though I have no idea what I want at this point, I choose to realize that I deserve to know."
Or, "Even though I have no vision of what I want yet, I choose to discover the blocks that are preventing me having this vision."
Or, "Even though I have no vision of what I want, I choose to remember those incidents that robbed me of my right to know."
These are only a few of the EFT statements that might get you off to a good start.
The reasons why people don't know what they want in life are extremely varied and many of them originate in early childhood experiences. Families can for example crush a child's ability to know what they want by substituting their own wishes for those of the child's and making the latter believe that theirs are the child's own desires that are being addressed. For example, a parent might say in a tone of disgust, "Oh no!! You don't want to go to THAT party. You know it's not suitable!" This might however be a totally untrue statement -- the child might want very much to go to that party and think it quite suitable to go, but they are being told that they think differently than they really think.
A much more honest and non-damaging statement on the part of the parent would be something like, "I know you want to go to that party and I understand why, but I don't want you to go because (at which point the parent would state their own reason for not letting the child go which is the real reason they are preventing it. Such a statement would in no way invalidate the child's own ability to know what they want, while at the same time it would honestly express the parent's point of view.
For someone who has experienced this kind of invalidation as a child, a suitable EFT statement might be:
"Even though as a child they told me repeatedly that I didn't want what I really DID want, I choose to know my own mind clearly today."
EFT statements about such issues will vary because each person will have different reasons for not being able to envision what they want. These can range from feelings of undeservedness ("I don't deserve anything I really want."), to a sense of danger at having one's own wishes and desires fulfilled. Perhaps as a child they believed that if they realized their wishes this would bring about punishment, or that’s someone else would get in trouble if they came true, or perhaps they are imitating a parent who could never express their own wishes. All such issues can be addressed with EFT. To help this process along you might use the all-encompassing EFT statement:
"Even though I don't yet know what I want, I choose to find a creative way to use EFT to find out."
This basic Choice could well bring things into focus for you. It may take quite a bit of time to recognize your deepest wishes if you have not yet been able to do so, because in order to stifle a child's awareness of what they want -- it is very strong -- it takes many repeated and often traumatic events to numb the child of the deepest instincts buried. However, when you are correcting this situation, persistence will pay off. If you encounter difficulties along the way you may want to seek some help from an experienced EFT therapist, another person's viewpoint can be a enormously helpful with such an endeavor
To summarize, here are some basic things you need to do to use EFT when you do not clearly know your own goal in a situation. You can address your lack of clear goals by using EFT statements such as,
“Even though I don't know what I want as yet, I choose to find a creative way to use EFT to discover what that is."
If you have feelings of not deserving that have been instilled deeply within you, you can also use an EFT statements such as, "Even though I have no idea what I want at this point, I choose to know that I deserve the very best."
Overall, you will want to use EFT to clarify your goals frequently (preferably daily) and each time notice any hindering emotions and tap these away in order to clear the road for your work on the goals themselves.
This procedure should lead to a very interesting opening up of your real wishes in life.
NOTE: To find out more about or to purchase Pat Carrington's "Choices Manual", Click here
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