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Note from Pat Carrington
Since I enjoy discovering new approaches that are exciting and advance our use of Tapping, the suggestion I'm going to tell you about resonated with me the minute I read about it. Betty Moore-Hafter is a highly experienced EFT Practitioner and Hypnotherapist from Burlington, Vermont. Recently she wrote an article for a newsletter she co-edits – http://www.EFTFree.net, which is a platform for novel ideas and individual reports on EFT, and the idea she expressed in it immediately struck me as having great value. Actually, Betty's concept ties in closely with something that I find very important. One of my favorite "creations" is the audio recording of my Teleseminar #4 in which I lead people in thanking themselves for the little things they do for their own selves all day long. To me this kind of step by step gratitude toward oneself is the essence of self acceptance. I am therefore particularly interested in Betty's article, which approaches the self acceptance issue from a different angle. Her article contains some very interesting case material which you may well want to read by going to a site which I will link you to at the bottom of this page. She poses a very interesting question to some of her clients at the end of an EFT session. It is, "What's the kindest thing you could say to yourself about this?" The aim of this question is to extend any positive impact of the session and build an even deeper self-acceptance in the client before they leave the office. This provocative question sparked ideas in me. I thought about how this could be used when tapping in other ways as well, such as by tapping-in the positive. As those of you who are familiar my work may realize, I am strongly in favor of tapping-in the positive. It can have as profound an effect upon a person as tapping-out the negative. I find that Betty's question has great potential value along these lines, and I've been using it to tap-in the positive with my own clients with excellent effects. I use it somewhat differently than Betty does and here is how. Although I reserve its use for the end of the session in order to give a positive spin to the entire session, I don't necessarily use it only when somebody has reached a better state already. I'm not sure whether Betty restricts its use to that condition either, but I find that even if a client may still be down on themselves when they finish the session, that the question can elicit what I call the kindliness response, which in turn can definitely help counteract negative self appraisals. For example, suppose a person has not fully worked through an issue by the time the session comes to a close and they say something like, "I feel a little better but I still have so much guilt when I think about how I wasn't a good enough daughter for my parents." In this case I might say to them something like: "Well, even if you think about every shortcoming you could possibly find in yourself, what is the kindest thing that you could manage to say about yourself right now? This often sets off the Kindliness Response in that person. When they look within themselves, they usually can find something good to say about themselves, such as: "Well, I certainly am persistent. Look how I'm continuing to work at trying to clear up this problem in myself. I haven't given up." Or the person might just be able to say, "I've done some good things this week in spite of all this trouble I've been going through - I guess it's kind of amazing that I could do that." Answering this question will probably be quite a new experience for you because most people reserve kindness for other people not themselves, as though it were to be meted out only outwardly, never inwardly. The interesting thing about this question is that it asks for the very kindest thing that you could possibly say about yourself. That brings forth the kindliness impulse even more strongly than if you asked for just a few "kind" observations about oneself. It represents the most extreme kind of friendly observation that one could possibly make about oneself given the present situation. For that reason it pushes you to search for the answer. There are a number of types of kindness to oneself that are quite commonly stimulated by using this question, although each one of us is individual in the way that we mete out kindness to ourselves. Here are some phrases that my clients have used when answering the question, "What is the kindest thing you could say about yourself?" "I'm bouncing back from that shock like one of those roly-poly dolls the children have, the ones that right themselves when you punch them down to the floor, they just pop up again." "I'm allowing myself some leisure time today even though I have some important things to." "I really did start on those things today even though I haven't fully finished them." These are just a few examples. If you search through any area of your life you will find some kind things you can say about yourself in relation to that part of your life. If you simply can't think of anything about yourself that you like right now, then think of some family member or friend whom you appreciate and say what you appreciate about them - often we can be much more tolerant of others than of ourselves. Doing this may set off some thoughts about yourself that would not otherwise have occurred to you. When you have an answer to the question, or when you have several answers, do one round of tapping for each of your answers. You are tapping-in the positive. At each tapping point, use the short form of the EFT, and start with the inner eyebrow spot (you need not use the Karate Chip point for this exercise). As you do so, say your answer out loud, doing this for at least one full round of the tapping – or you can do it for several rounds if you wish. You will be repeating the same thing about yourself at each acupoint. If several different answers occur to you at the same time, do a round of tapping appreciation for each one. You will find that tapping extends the impact that your answer has on your life and this can begin to change your relationship to your self. Your kindness to yourself penetrates more deeply with each round of tapping. This is a lovely daily exercise to do just before going to bed at night or first thing when you wake up in the morning, or at any other routine time. Getting in the habit of asking yourself this question really turns around your way of approaching yourself, you become more tolerant of the person who you are. Over time you will find that it has repercussions which may surprise you. For example you may find yourself being kinder to yourself many times during the day when you haven't even posed the question consciously. I wish you many moments of kindness to your own self! Warmly, Pat p.s. I have something fun and useful coming up for subscribers of this newsletter - and for others too. You'll hear about it soon!
Betty Moore-Hafter's website is http://www.CreativeEFT.com.You can read her article about how she uses this unique question in her practice by going to http://www.eftfree.net/2010/08/04/whats-the-kindest-thing Pat Carrington's Teleseminar #4 "Create Healing Gratitude For Your Own Self With Tapping", which leads you through many Self-Gratitude exercises (it's one of her favorite teleseminars among all those she has done) is available at http://www.patclass.com.
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