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EFT for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Page 2
We then
addressed her feeling of being stupid. It was obvious that some form of
self-forgiveness was needed for this and it was then that a thought occurred
to me about self-forgiveness and forgiveness in general that I had not had
before. I wondered if, for Marla, UNDERSTANDING the behavior of her
"child self" who had been afraid to tell anyone about the incident
at the time, might be a key ingredient in allowing her to face the incident
with ease and clear it once and for all.
To explore
this possibility I suggested to her that she try the following wording:
“Even
though I feel stupid for not telling anyone about it at that time, I deeply
and complete UNDERSTAND why I didn’t talk about it.”
She had
started with 9-10 intensity for a “stupid” feeling. After one
round of the Choices Trio, her rating had come down to a “2” on
the scale, and she said the word “stupid” had changed to
“silly” half way through the tapping sequence.
It’s
always interesting to watch the spontaneous changes in wording that occur
when a person does EFT. They tell us much. In this instance, Marla’s
word “silly” was much lighter, more casual, less condemning than
“stupid”. I was not surprised to see her smile as she told me
about it. “I like to say ‘understand’, it helps.”,
she said.
She had
come far down in her rating on that the issue of not telling her family back
then, but I knew how difficult it can be when one confronts the challenging
present situation that represents a past issue. So I asked:
“How
do you feel now about not telling your partner about the recent incident of
your child’s mother?”
When I
asked this I saw Marla slump in her chair, her jaw tighten. What was she
feeling about this?
“Not
very good.” she said. “About an 8 or 9.” What was the
actual feeling – was she still feeling “stupid” – or something
else? “I feel guilty.” She said.
So, her
new set-up phrase was: “Even though I feel guilty about not
reporting right away about our neighbor, I deeply and completely understand
why I didn’t and forgive myself.”
One round
of the Choices Trio and she was down to a “2” in the rating and
looking perky again. “I came down very quickly during the first
few taps. I swooped right down to a “2” and stayed there.”
She said.
One more
round, and Marla gave me the Thumbs Up gesture and had a broad smile on her
face. Her concern about the present incident was completely cleared.
She and I
will likely to be able to proceed with considerably more ease when we next
meet and start work on the childhood abuse issue –– when and if
she chooses to work on that.
About the
word “understanding” which was used in Marla’s set-up
phrase and positive Choices phrases. After her session I have used the word
“understanding” during EFT for several different people,
including myself, and have found it to have a profound effect. It seems to
pave the way for a more genuine and effective form of forgiveness for the
person involved. This is not really surprising because forgiveness is, after
all, an abstract concept and can often make little sense to the person saying
it –– particularly if they must forgive themselves or others for
something felt to be horrendous at the time.
To first
direct oneself to understand what happened can pave the way for a more
genuine and subjectively convincing kind of forgiveness. If you would like to
try an experiment based on this idea, I suggest that you do the following:
Select
some incident in your life which makes you feel uncomfortable when you think
about it, one in which you somehow blame yourself or feel ashamed, and say to
yourself (without tapping – just use the phrase):
“I
forgive myself for (whatever it was).”
How does
this feel to you? Does it ring true? Does it get to the core of your
self-blame? Now, say to yourself (still not tapping yet):
“I
UNDERSTAND and forgive myself for (whatever it was).”
Does this
do anything for the depth and convincingness of your forgiving? Is your
reaction in any way different because you have added
“understanding” to the equation?
Now
complete this experiment by tapping on each of the above phrases and do a
complete round or two of tapping the EFT points while saying each of the
phrases –– and don’t worry if you have no conscious
understanding of why you did what you did! Just say the words. Understanding
occurs on many different levels, some of them can be quite outside our
conscious awareness.
In my own
experience, evoking my own understanding through the use of this new phrasing
in EFT gives me much comfort and support. I find it is much like having a
critical parent or teacher at last understand me. This can be a warm, safe
and relieving feeling. See what it does for you!
EFT Master, Dr. Patricia Carrington
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