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Sneaking Up on the Problem: Using Positive Affirmations in a Non-Threatening Fashion

By Dr. Patricia Carrington

So far in this series, I have been talking about sneaking up on the negative elements of an EFT statement so that it won’t be too threatening to a traumatized person.  However, the fact is, even the positive part of an EFT statement, the part that represents an affirmation –– whether this be the traditional self-acceptance phrase, “I deeply and completely accept myself”, or a Choices phrase such as “I choose to be calm and confident” –– can be too much for a person to handle if they are unable to envision the positive that is offered to them without experiencing anxiety or a sense of disbelief.

It is therefore sometimes necessary to “sneak up on” the positive phrase in an EFT statement, as well as on the negative phrase. 

Suppose, for example, that the person finds that the default self acceptance phrase is too difficult for them to handle because they can’t imagine “deeply and profoundly” accepting themselves.  For such a person this phrase may appear downright foolish, or threatening, or embarrassing.  Aside from encouraging this person to go ahead and use the phrase anyway even if it seems unbelievable or silly to see what happens (certainly helpful in some cases) another way to handle the threat that self-acceptance may pose is to help the person move gradually towards that goal by going step by step.

Here is one way that might work out:

The person might begin by saying, “Even though I (states problem), I might be able to accept myself anyway.”  This is a more believable statement for many people than an outright, clear-cut self-acceptance statement.

After tapping for several rounds using this milder version of the default self-acceptance phrase, they might then try using a somewhat stronger phrase such as:

“Even though (states problem), I might accept myself a little bit.”

Or, “Even though (states problem), I would like to deeply and completely accept myself.”

There are other variations that can be used to introduce the self-acceptance phrase gradually to a person, as well.  My point is, allowing the person (or yourself) to be more tentative with this phrase can often make it more palatable.  As their intensity level goes down and the person becomes more comfortable with the problem, they may be able to use the stronger statement – in fact, they may, at some point, actually be able to envision accepting themselves “deeply and completely” because they were introduced to this idea more gradually.

The same gradated, step-by-step approach can be used with any positive phrase in an EFT statement, such as an EFT Choices statement, because it will tend to be non-threatening, An incremental Choice, used before you are ready to install a really strong positive affirmation, can often by-pass the resistance created by secret fears of actually obtaining the perceived desired Choice.  The fact is, no matter how desirable a Choice may be from a practical standpoint, one may not be ready for it.

The Choice you think you want may be too strong, or too sudden, or possibly trigger too many of what Gary Craig calls “Tail Enders” for you to handle comfortably.  Tail Enders are the hidden objections (negative affirmations in their own right) that can so often counteract our best worded affirmations.

A gradated Choice moves you gradually toward your goal.  Because of its non-threatening nature, it can often bypass any hidden resistance to change.

For example, a gradated Choice for a hidden fear of abundance might be:

“Even though I don’t like the idea of being thought of as ‘rich’, I choose to begin to see wealth in an entirely new light.” (Notice the phrase “begin to,” it can make the whole idea of changing more palatable).

Or, “Even though I don’t like the idea of being thought of as ‘rich’, I choose to begin to think about the advantages of having people think I am rich.”

Or, “Even though I don’t like the idea of being thought of as ‘rich’, I choose to have a glimpse of a new view of wealth that would make being rich comfortable for me.”  (Notice the gradualness of the phrase, “…have a glimpse”)

Such moderately stated step-by-step Choices as these are less threatening and therefore more likely to lead to recognition of new possibilities.

Another example of the use of gradated Choices might be for a person who was so threatened by changing careers that they could not imagine using a Choices phrase such as,” Even though I’m frightened by the concept of changing careers, I choose to find a new career that is just right for me.”  While this Choices phrase might work well for a lot of people, for others it might activate an inner voice that would whisper, “Oh yeah? Do you think you’re going to find the answer now when you know you’ve tried hundreds of times and failed to come up with an idea that’s workable? Remember the last time you thought you had found the perfect career and how you fell on your face and it just didn’t work out.” etc.

However, if this same person were to use a gradated Choice this might help them creep up on their career issues gradually and therefore not cause resistance or inner skepticism.  One such gradated Choice might be:

“Even though I’m threatened by the idea of changing careers, I choose to realize that there might be another way of looking at career change that would feel really good.” (Notice the tentative words such as “might” and the suggestion that one might change one’s way of looking at the whole matter –– this phrasing does not push the person too fast or too soon into a positive attitude they may not be ready for.

Or, “Even though I’m threatened by the idea of changing careers, I begin to see some possibilities for a new career.” (Notice the words “begin” and “some” here – both serve to soften the idea of a change of attitude)

A general rule of thumb is:  If a particular EFT statement seems too impossible or too threatening or too out of character to you, then create a statement that approaches your goal in small increments, in a step-by-step fashion.  I have seen this work wonders to change even very deep-seated attitudes!

EFT Master, Dr. Patricia Carrington