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Applying EFT in Clinical
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EFT in Clinical
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Therapy
EFT for Couples
Therapy
by
Patricia Carrington
There are some
EFT and therapy sessions that leave me feeling, "This is how it
should be. It’s why I’m in this work." A recent EFT
session with a couple had this effect on me.
"Rich" had been
seeing me on and off for individual psychotherapy for over two
years. I had also seen saw him and his wife "Leila" for
couples’ sessions on a number of occasions — these
were highly productive meetings where we made extensive use of
EFT. This couple also learned to use EFT at home, guiding each
other and their children through sessions with considerable
success when anyone in the family faced an emotional or physical
challenge.
In
light of their familiarity with EFT and regular use of it, it is
particularly instructive to note what occurred when Leila
recently had to be guided through the procedure by another
person, in this case myself, in a couples’ counseling
session. As a result, she was able to accomplish something she
was not able to achieve by going through the technique alone.
This reminded me of how often we can’t see the forest for
the trees when it comes to ourselves, no matter how sensitive we
may be to others’ issues or able to help them.
Rich
and Leila are a devoted couple but they have had some changes in
their home life which have made for difficulty. The most
troublesome problem they faced was the one for which Rich
originally sought treatment — a radical change in the
family’s everyday life that occurred when Rich switched
careers two years ago.
Leila had
encouraged him to leave his job of many years standing where his
time was extremely flexible and his work was "left at the office"
at night, and return to graduate school to train for a totally
different career. The first job Rich obtained in his new field,
however, was extremely time consuming and he could no longer drop
home for lunch, or leave early enough in the day to drive the
children to their extra-curricular activities, and so forth.
Also, he was able to spend much less time with Leila, who worked
in a home business and was on the premises most of the day, and
even when he was at home, she often didn’t have his full
attention now because he had brought work home to do.
This
triggered in Leila feelings of abandonment stemming from her
childhood, and she found herself attacking Rich for "neglecting"
her and the family, and repeatedly nagging him to pay more
attention to her. Fortunately, Leila sought therapy for this
problem (with another therapist, not me), but Rich was left to
deal with her distressing reactions, as well as a host of
uncertainties about his own professional competency which had
been triggered by the new career. As a result he became anxious,
depressed and increasingly withdrawn. This, in turn, alarmed and
annoyed Leila even more, so a vicious circle was set in
motion.
When
Rich came to me for therapy, he was extremely worried about his
relationship with Leila and also afraid that he might not be able
to "make it" in his chosen field because his first job experience
had turned out to be negative and in a sense he was treated there
as an absolute novice. We started in by working on his ability
to tolerate Leila’s anxiety and frequent verbal attacks
during this transitional period because that was the most
pressing issue. There were many triggers at work here, and we
tackled them systematically for a number of sessions:
"Even though she
says ‘You’re not talking to
me’…"
"Even though
there’s nothing I can do that pleases her
…"
"Even though she
says the marriage will be over if this keeps
up…"
"Even though
I’m very scared of losing her...”
And
so on, until gradually he was able to handle these occurrences in
a balanced manner. At that point we began to devote more
attention to building his self-confidence with respect to his
creative abilities and competence at work. In the process we
used EFT to address many early childhood experiences which had
caused him to accept a lesser role in life and not develop his
considerable innate abilities. He was also able to do a lot of
EFT "homework" as well, which served as an important support to
him during this period.
Rich
changed greatly over the course of therapy. His depression
lifted and he began to stand up for the goals he had set for
himself, with pride and confidence. During this time we made
considerable use of "Choice" cards that contained affirmations
relating to the issues he had been working on (See the use of
Choices with EFT), and these reinforced the therapy
greatly.
As a
result of being able to handle job interviews with more
confidence, Rich finally obtained a much more satisfactory job in
his new field and began to really come into his own. Eventually
Leila regained her security as she saw him beginning to handle
his work life and his home life in a very different manner. And
by the time this past summer rolled around, the couple had
established a new rhythm in their home life and felt happily
close to one another again. They were so optimistic about their
state, in fact, that Rich now came in only for an occasional
therapy session with me, when a new work challenge
arose.
Therefore, I was
surprised when he told me recently that he and Leila were again
facing difficulties in their relationship, although certainly not
as severe ones as originally. Although she knew that he was
doing extremely well on his new job and obtaining recognition
there for his work, Leila was once again anxious and upset with
him, and he found himself increasingly withdrawn from
her.
It
seemed clear that we needed to schedule a couples’ session
to address this. Rich was unable to explain why the trouble had
arisen between them and I needed Leila’s input. I also
felt that a couple’s session could prevent a more serious
situation from developing between them.
When
they came in for their appointment, I noticed that Leila’s
usually animated and sensitive face looked as though cast in
stone. While she was willing to be there, she seemed nothing
short of grim. Rich had a subdued, almost sullen look on his
face. Since I had not seen Leila for a long while, and Rich had
given me no clues as to the origin of this new problem between
them, I asked Leila what she thought was going on.
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